A Response to “Where Is Ellyn?”

Behind the Words by Ginny L. Yttrup

“I miss Ellyn,” a reader posted on my Facebook author page.

Ellyn is a character, fictional, but she rings true with readers. In fact, she is beloved by readers, or so my book sales, reviews, and reader emails indicate.

“I miss Ellyn.” The words play through my mind, and guilt niggles like a splinter under my skin. I’ve promised my readers—some of you reading this post—more of Ellyn. Another book. One I’ve yet to deliver.

The truth is, I also miss Ellyn.

The last time Ellyn and I met, the last time my fingers danced across the keyboard crafting—creating—the next scene of her story, she was sitting across from Shauna, her counselor who’d just returned from maternity leave. If you know Ellyn, you’re likely able to picture the scene, including Ellyn’s discomfort, emotional and physical, and the way she deflects her discomfort with a bit of humor.

Here's a glimpse:

“Butter is sacred.”

 As soon as the words fall out of my mouth, I wish I could grab them back.

Sunlight streams through the windows in Shauna’s office, but it doesn’t seem to cast light on the statement I’ve made. Her smile doesn’t fade. Her eyes don’t narrow. Instead, she nods. Vigorous nodding, as if nodding is an aerobic exercise.

I refute her nodding by shaking my head. “No, you don’t understand. To me, butter is sacred.” I shift on the small sofa where I sit, hoping the move casts a slimming shadow over my hips and thighs. “It’s almost holy,” I whisper.

Shauna’s eyes widen along with her smile, then she brings her hands together in one solid clap. “Yes! Yes, Ellyn.” She leans back in her chair and laughs. “Exactly! Wait.” She leaps from her chair, pivots toward her desk, and reaches for her phone. “Hold on!”

Has she lost her mind? What’s a client do when her therapist goes mad? Does that happen? Surely it happens. It’s clearly just happened. Or maybe this is just a postpartum thing. A temporary hormonal flux that’s left her—

“That’s it. That is exactly it.” Shauna scrolls through her phone looking for something.

I’ll leave you wondering what Shauna was seeking, but I will give you a hint: it has to do with the theme of the next book in the Mendocino Village Series, the sacrament of giving thanks.

Rereading the beginning of this opening scene makes me smile. It’s so Ellyn, isn’t it?

Yes, I miss Ellyn too.

I’ve written other scenes in what will, I trust, eventually become book 3 of the series, but that’s the only scene I’ve written from Ellyn’s perspective. Going back to it again and again and again, I’ve tried to determine what comes next.

Trying to push through the block in my mind, I’ve typed and deleted, pounded the keyboard in frustration, shed a tear or two, and prayed and prayed and prayed. Lord, give me the words, the story, as you’ve so often done. Then I’ve placed my fingers on the keyboard again and . . .

Nothing.

Only as I stilled my mind and soul, finally relinquishing the timing of Ellyn’s story to God, did insight bloom: I can’t finish writing Ellyn’s story now, because I haven’t yet lived its next segment.

Ellyn isn’t me—she is bolder, braver, wiser, and definitely funnier. But Ellyn and I share many of the same issues, and we’ve grown together over the nearly dozen years since I moved her from my imagination to the page.

I trust we’ll continue to grow together.

In fact, I am committed to that growth—for myself and for Ellyn.

Since I was gifted that snippet of insight, I’ve committed to making hard life changes. To giving up some things I love in order to fully live a life I love more. The changes I’ve made have nothing to do with weight or appearance and everything to do with health, with feeling and functioning well, with mental and physical energy.

The changes also, I believe, honor God and the gift of life he’s entrusted to me.

Ellyn’s story is fictional, but as is true of many characters I’ve created, I’m intimately familiar with her issues, and I will become intimately familiar with her continued healing journey.

As I live the research for the end of Ellyn’s story arc, I plan to share some of that research in a new project I’ve been developing over the last year . . .

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Welcome to Behind the Words.

Part spiritual memoir and part journal, Behind the Words is my author newsletter reimagined. Rather than a quarterly newsletter, many of you have indicated you’d like to hear from me more often—a request for which I am both humbled and grateful. When I asked via social media if readers would enjoy journal-type entries depicting the spiritual and emotional aspects of my writing life, the favorable responses encouraged me to get started.

Rather than a quarterly newsletter, I’ll send monthly posts or essays that chronicle my emotional and spiritual path as a writer. Behind the Words is a story of becoming, infused with daily thoughts and ponderings designed to encourage you in your own becoming.

My prayer is that sharing this type of work will inspire you, to seek God often, deeply, and in new ways.

You’ll notice a new format for my correspondence with you. Although I’ve enjoyed using email services that offer more design features, a simple format affords me more time to connect with you rather than design something for you.

I’ve chosen to use Substack because of its simplicity, but also because it offers a community feature. Similar to a Facebook group, Substack’s Chat feature gives us a place where we can post thoughts, questions, photos, and more. It’s a place to connect and build relationships. If you enjoyed my private Facebook Group in the past, I hope you’ll enjoy connecting via Substack’s Chat.

I look forward to connecting with you more often.

Thank you for your ongoing interest in my books, and my words.

Warmly,

Ginny